new direction

going in a new direction with this blog, with my life. the enormous need to vent and share and help has taken over me and i need to write again. let it all go again. this time in a good way. this time, more evolved.
i will still be accepting questions, sunday q. questions. i will answer them. send them to my email address. i will...be sharing more. and i want you, my faithful blog follower, i want you to follow me.

i work in a mall. encapsulated mediocre materialism.

i have two jobs. one selling cosmetics and skin care. the other gig, selling couches and oversized bean bag chairs. both jobs sell my soul. fucking retail.
what do i want to do? makeup, special effects makeup. write. be a writer. buy my e-book so i can stop doing this other shit. quit the two jobs.

my down time, is full of men and adventure. i meet a lot of men. the ones who want to use me. the ones who want to be with the idea of me not the actual me. the ones who dump me because i am too nice. come the fuck on. really?

i devour them as they devour me and i find joy in receiving paper 'new castle' coasters from them with their imaginary dicks drawn on them. what does this mean? he can't possibly be the one. we both remain infinitely next.

he tells me i scare him as he flirts. i like the way he looks at me. he takes me to the bathroom autographs my neck with hickies. he rips my panties off, and i think for one split second, he might actually really like me.

he leaves without saying goodbye.

he's the last in a long list that does this. sticking around isn't in their d.n.a.

four first dates. no seconds. i call it, the first date curse. it's me, and them.
my sister says wait 3 months for a kiss. 6 months for poon. i need the physical compatibility on a first date. that's my problem. with each man, each date, i grow more detached, this is my strength.