Tuesday, January 13, 2009

really? that's your q? really? mama like.

hi sunday q, long time listener, first time caller. ok-okay. i'm a single white male/38 firstoff. if you met a guy that you totally dug, had chemistry with, was attracted to etc., would you be grossed out if he wanted to do something odd like smell your feet or would you be okay with it providing you already were into him?

love your question...yes i would...i have very ticklish feet though so it wouldn't be very easy. i think if you are into a person and it's mutual and you feel safe expressing yourself, experimenting should be the norm with them.
i hated mustard with all might when i was younger, thought i'd hated. i had a hunch i'd loathe the stuff. than i tried it...turns out i friggin' love the stuff. mustard, smelling feet what's the diff. you'll never know what you'll love until you try it.

my girlfriend of 6 years ..broke up with me and went out with a much older sugar daddy guy who isn't even divorced yet...drives a sports car and eats viagra...she wants to be friends still ...i find it disgusting...we are both 38 ..he is 49...should i be friends ..to me this is pure selfishness ...i bent over backwards for this girl and got ..blown away...by this..any comments..

your ex-girl is a gold digging douche, how dare her have the balls to ask to be friends after she makes a fucking mockery of your relationship. that's why she's a douche. i assume with the gold digging she is just trying to do her right now. but to each their own. i'm sorry. sounds like you are still hurting from this. we've all been hurt. don't stay to guarded with the next lay-day you meet...we all aren't as douchy as she was. to you. there are some real gems out there. keep looking.

Here's a friggin question...Are those your lips in the pic? What is your best feature..lips..butt..boobs?

those are my lips. i'm down with all those nooks and crannies on myself...well...i'm gonna say it's a three way tie. wait, no, a five way tie...my brain is pretty cool, oh, and my heart is pretty fantastic. wait a six way tie. my forearms are fabulous.

sunday my love, have you ever had a g-spot outer body experience before?

who hasn't. actually i haven't. great, now i need one.

what was your first kiss like and what was his (her) name?

my hand. (who i also my virginity to...little slut) i evolved to my sister's groucho marx dummy, then my glow worm, anything with a big plastic head was fair game back in the day.
first kiss. lovely, sweet question. taking me a minute to remember the damn thing, and the damn person. soccer field of my high school. late bloomer. sophmore year. chad. i remember asking jesus for help, "...please cure world hunger, bless everyone, and let me make out with a boy before i die...please let him scorching hot...and make my boobs bigger...." went on a after school walk with chad, made it to the soccer field and mo-ah, got smooched unexpectedly...ended with a two second boob grab. two for one special that day. i think he denied the whole thing or something later on. ASS!

wait...chad is that you?

What is the meaning of life? Do you know where my car keys are?

the meaning of life is 42. (hitchhiker's guide reference.) love is the meaning of life. loving people. loving things. loving what you do. overcoming anything you hate with love.

your car keys are on top of the fridge or underneath the damn thing. try sweeping your house 1 cubic feet at a time. and check the lamest areas. laundry baskets. seat cushions, cabinets. i once found mine in the freezer.

so how do you feel about slightly younger white guys that love your post?

wow...my favorite type of slightly younger white guy are ones that are into my post.
wait how young?

Women love my juice
They fall in love rather fast with me
I still live with my folks because I'm a good son
Few women in the past told me I can get any women I wanted because of my physical appearence
I've rented women for the past 15 yrs
I've had over 1000 beautiful girls
I'm a thinker
Ex painter
I think marriage is a crazy thing
I like Blondes
I've had international girlfriends
Women are my pets and toys
I want to love someone
Patience is virtue I know now

hmmm. okay. what do you mean you've rented women for 15 years? nevermind...i think that's an amazing term for dating...if that's what you meant. i'm totally snagging that term from you. also, i'm glad people like your juice. i make some dynamite juice too.

Why are people more interested in sex as they get older?

we get less and less of the stuff the older we get. it's natural to be more interested in activities or things you don't get all the time. like me and my obsession with fries or midget hugs.

are you faithful?

yes...until a dude tries to hurt me, then the unfaithful light begins blinking. so i usually end the relationship, (which means changing someones name in my phone to : don't answer, asshole psycho,) as soon as things turn sour. i'm not down with wasting my time or anyone else's.

My body is absolutely killing me. I have been wrestling everyday, neglecting other areas of my life. I'm not sure where its going to take me, but its the place I feel most like myself. Should I stop and become regular and sensible (Normal job like everyone else), or should I keep doing what makes me happy?

Thank you.

Oh yes, sexy pic if its you.

thanks!!!! i think you should do what makes you happy...if you feel at home in the ring and that's where your heart is i say pursue it with everything. you only live once and could be gone tomorrow. but remember one thing, you have to eat and prepare for your future, everything, everything, everything is so uncertain right now...so do your thing in the ring and get a part time gig to support yourself and you should be fine. your happiness is the most important thing in your life.

Have you ever cheated? If so, did you consider it "ok"? Why?

i have cheated....only in sour relationships that were pretty much ending. that's my reasoning. it wasn't okay and i really should have ended things before i strayed, but sometimes you just meet people and that click...that click you have that chemistry is too much to turn down in the moment. i know you can always say no, and i, i do hold out as long as i can before swaying...and cheating. when i'm happy in a relationship though, there is nothing in this whole world that could make me cheat...except Kanye West or Luke Wilson or somebody. and if either of them are reading: i would never cheat on you baby. (sunday q disclaimer: unless you cheated on me first.)

What was the last movie you saw, book that you read? Were they good or bad, and why. When was the last time you were at a gallery or museum?

last movie i saw was southland tales...it sucked in an awesome way. SNL cast members were peppered in every scene, and it was a tragically light film. it was on on-demand. last book i read, adam and eve by mark twain. delightful book. who knew Twain could write so lovely without the n-word scattered over every page. i'm trying to read random b-side classics right now.

the last time i went to a gallery was on monday, for inspiration on my sketching and painting.

I was wondering, I missed my ex-girlfriend through the holidays, and we broke up over a year ago. She was bad news, should I call her?

there is nothing wrong with calling an ex and telling them you are thinking about them, telling them they are heavy on your heart....perhaps she feels the same way you feel right now...or maybe she needs to hear that someone out there misses her and cares for her. we all need to hear that we've been missed, or say that we are missing someone. if you feel if-y about it send a text. a 'i miss ya' text never hurt nobody. but if she was really bad news you may just want to keep your strength by keeping that distance.

I can never seem to talk to women it's like my mind is just shooting fucking blanks. Never had a girlfriend never even have never made out with a girl I liked. As a fat guy… women liked me, but not that way. Virgin until 18...but I never learned how to meet women. Even now with a normal weight and being described as "cute" I am still having trouble but I don't know man. That's why I couldn't tell the difference between messages. Basically I'm starting from scratch, have the emotional debt of a 14y/o.

Because I have never had a girlfriend and really just cant deal with just picking up random ass women, I have very little interactions with women in a relationship type way. So when I find one who I think I can be friends with even, who likes me… I don't know. I loose the ability to really talk to them and then, and then I concentrate so much on being careful, I forget to trust my instincts (2), be my self, (3) and "keep the pussy off the pedestal"- Chris Rock

dating and meeting people sucks ass for everyone. it's not easy to anybody that shit is suppose to be hard. that's a fact!
in a lot of ways i am starting from scratch too. it's hard to be back out there and learn how to talk to people and hit on them, and come up with playful, witty comebacks and shit. i say fuck all that. i think you should just relax yourself into the dating scene. go out...check scenes out you like and be yourself. watch people, watch women, watch men, watch the way they interact, what they are saying, what works. get a drink, sit back in the cut confidentially, and just take notes for a while, get use to yourself in those type of 'meeting lay-day' settings.
although, let me say you can meet women anywhere...they enjoy stores, yoga-lates classes, freeways, and coffee houses.

all of this being said, at some point you are going to have to leap out of the nest and meet people, women you are actually interested in not some random bitches you barely like...they aren't going to cut it for you anyhow.
you got to love yourself before you can love someone else. and self love for people like you and i takes a minute to conquer and develop.

oh yeah, stop saying "i don't know," you can totally do this. also, we are all dorks, nobody says the perfect thing all the time, so don't beat up on yourself if you are saying the wrong thing because, one day you'll come across the right person where even the wrong thing will be the right thing.

so in conclusion: love yourself, you can do this, you only live once, people in haiti are eating dirt for sustenance, so you could totally have it alot worse, own yourself...and when the time is right, with a little patience and practice, you'll meet who you are destined to meet as soon as you jump out of your comfort zone and start getting comfortable with yourself. phew!

one last thing: some pussy should be on a pedestal, like mine for example...

hope this helps you. LOVE!!!

A bit about me. White male, 32, fit, loyal and unattached. I am horrible at reading woman's interest in me, which I am sure that is why I am unattached but that will be a question for another day.

I have a younger attached female friend that I used to work with. We have stayed in touch over the phone, she calls several times a day. I recently went on a couple of dates with a woman I met and mentioned to my friend this. Her comment caught me off guard, it was something to the effect of how this girl was coming between her and I. So, as I said earlier I at times lack the ability to read a woman's interest in me. Are all her calls to me, asking me to stop by her new job to say hello, complaints about her current BF and this recent comment her way of saying she would like to be more than friends or am I an idiot.

ah...your friend, she's a relationship cock teaser. yes i said it. she is.
i almost hate saying this...but screw your younger attached female friend. what about you and what you need. you are not idiot. it feels good to be needed. especially by some younger piece of ass that needs your help. who doesn't want that?

bottom line is this: she's using you in some weird way and you should not be tolerating this. you are so wrapped in her life, somehow you have forgotten about yours, which is obviously important to you.

i am a lot like you. i have been this person to a lot of people, always lending an ear, always being there, while my needs are usually and steadily on the back burner. not anymore though. you may never have your needs met in your life if you are catering to the selfish. so please stop it. take a step back and deal with yourself for a while. you can't go wrong with that.

unless you want this young lady...then you need to turn the tables on her tell her to dump her current old man, and demand that she seriously entertain the thought of you being her fella. if she says no, she's not down with this...then take your step back and do you, for lack of better words.

i have a lot of male friends. i usually don't know that a guy likes me until i'm making out with him. i used to hate this quality about myself not being able to read fellas. but now i see it's endearing, it forces men to force me out of friendship mode and push my booty, deep, deep into romance-ville.if you start out being friends with someone and it becomes romantic there could be nothing more fresh and spectacular than that.

also feel free to name her "clingy psycho" or "cock relationship teaser number one" in your phone...that way you won't want to answer the phone when she calls.

Hello,I have recently separated from an engagement with an incredibly hot Italian babe who I was with for the last 5 years and knocked up 4 years ago. Her dysfunctional family and loud mouth fat twat adult daughter was the main reason I could not stay. The daughter moved into my girlfriends house with her Bi - girlfriend, kids and pets for just a short time that turned into 18 months with no end in sight. Try as I might I could not keep quiet when they screamed, cursed at, used, and abused my girlfriend. Another so called "man" also came into the picture who promised to accept the package deal and give her everything she ever dreamed of. Now I am distraught, doing dangerous things, and banging almost every hot Italian babe I meet in some twisted attempt to find the love I lost. I'm afraid that since I was hurt in the last relationship that I may now be hurting innocent girls by inflicting my pain on them. I should probably be alone and regroup for a while but miss sharing the limitless passion, constant fun, best friend, confident, smokin hot ass, fantasy sex, and huge rack next to me all night long. The only good thing that came out of this fiasco was that women now sense my pain and the lost love in me. Two have actually become weak at the knees when being touched after hearing my story and of the sincere beauty I saw in their eyes. Also, I lost 36 lbs. and gained muscle in the right places with my 18 week " grief diet and angry friggin workout program."I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore and life seems to be spinning out of control. I'm tired of this pain and occasionally feel like either eating or feeding a bullet to someone. Therapy helps & the answers are pretty clear but knowing them and using them are two different things. I feel guilty every time I look into the eyes of the new exquisite girlfriends eyes knowing that my heart is totally somewhere else. I seem to be mind fucked either way, regardless of what I do. Any advice from someone as worldly as you appear to be would be a great help but if you dont have time to reply to my petty crap then I thank you anyway for letting me get it out and for listening. Thanks again!!!

my, my, my, my, my....we all heal in our own ways. in my case, dude binges are normal. in your case smokin hot ass babe binges are okay as well. try and be as honest as you can pre-ass with these ladies. they'll respect you more and at least have the opportunity to bail if they like. you know, before you get in there and wreck them through their no-no's: you know, they'll feel bad because they gave up the puntangy too easy, and as you are dumping them and off to the next girl, you maybe forcing your last humpees into therapy as well. tell these women how you need sex now, and how despite you being hurt you are just trying to make sense of your life right now. you don't want anything serious, because you are still longing for your last lay-day. you'll be surprised by how many women are okay with that as long as you are being honest. being honest will humanize you, and really it'll humanize them to you. these are women, with grandmothers, women who eat and poop, and hurt just like you, depsite their smokin' hot ass babe exteriors.

be careful out there...wrap your penis up in something. please wrap it in some thing, a bean bag chair, a mama cass ham sandwich, a condom-ent, you never know which one of these babes is a skankbox or diseased. and you don't want to add a three letter virus to your list of woes.

believe it or not you are grieving right now. nobody grieves the same. some people eat a whole turkey or go on codine binges, others bang their sorrows away. i say stick with therapy, and invite something positive in your life, like a puppy or a new hobby, and remember not all women are like the last one that screwed you over. your ex did what was best for her and now it's your turn... you got to do best what's for you. it may not be apparent right now, meditate on it, write out where you want to be and where you went wrong and it'll come to you.

p.s. we are all mind fucked and congrats on the weight you lost. oh yeah, there are people in haiti eating dirt for sustenance, you can totally do this man!


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