Saturday, February 28, 2009

invincible wound

If I were to tap you on the shoulder and ask,"Do you have a beau?", you would reply...

i would say, "******."

If I were to ask "Whatcha' going to do when you get out of jail?", you would say...

"i'm gonna have some fun, what do you consider fun? fun natural fun..."

How do I know that I should commit my life to this one? Cheers.

go with your feelings. follow your gut...
and when in doubt make a pro-con list.
go with whatever list is the shortest.

Could you tell me a good way to approach women, or at least what gets your attention.

call me old school but i think a clever way to approach the lay-days, and/or me is to give a awkward / genuine fashion complement.

try, "your sweater is beautiful...on you."
please let me know if that works.

Q: I simply love the new prez! What do you think.... is it time for a change?

hell yes, i do think this country and every single one of us is far overdue from some positive, brand new change in our lives.

You see a man at the store he has fresh fish, wild rice, green beans and lots of veggies for a salad. He is in the wine section and tells you he needs to find a good wine to go with his meal because he is cooking for his mother as a birthday surprise, because she can't go out due to a recent surgery on her hip. What kind of wine do you recommend he get?

well, first of all what a wonderful, deliciously sweet way to pic up a broad!!! also dude who asked the, 'Could you tell me a good way to approach women, or at least what gets your attention,' question use this cat's question as an approach. it's fucking flawless.
aw!! so friggin' good!!!
okay, okay, i'm calming myself!
i would recommend a red wine. you're gonna want to get mom a little tipsy to ease her sore hip and her achy body into a deep slumber. ravenswood is my favorite red when i have dough to spare, from $6-$15 a bottle, ravenswood's 2004 sonoma mountain wine pickberry, is my favorite when i have mad bones to waste, which is about $40 a bottle. two buck chuck (charles shaw from trader joes) is my favorite when my pocketbook is hurting, which you guessed is only $2 a bottle. all of these red's are full flavored, not bitter, and have a oakey bouquet. only let ma' have a few glasses because i'm sure she's got some dynamite pain killers.
happy birthday ma and happy healing!

A little knowledge test, why is Chicago called the windy city?

chicago, is called the 'windy city' for a number of reasons, here is one.
it is windy there. the tall buildings there suck the breeze down into the streets in a marvelous way, leaving the city perpetual wind filled.

Does your vagina fart like an ass-hole when you are being penetrated with a penis?

It is the GROSSEST thing I have ever heard to hear a woman's vagina fart while I am making love to her.

I loose my erection instantly!

who's doesn't? this a natural occurrence. no woman's vag is queef-less. get over it if you want to continue penetrating species of the opposite sex. this sound is sweet music and you know it prophet.

Well, thanks for the response. Most people don't even answer me. They are so used to b.s. that my open honesty freaks them out or something. I think that from what I can see you are way fine and that probably intimidates a lot of guys. Unlike most hot young women you actually have a brain and an imagination that extends well beyond the mall and the pipe! I suspect you would be way cool to know well. I am a nice guy and would hit on you for sure if I wasn't 800 miles away and old enough to be your dad. At least we have given each other something to think about. Be well Angel.

i thank you. i thank you. and i shall be well. dito.

What is it like to have the sexual power that young, beautiful women possess?

it's like being an invincible wound.

whats your view of 9/11? think terrorists... or our government, did it...

i think both played their dirty roles. in a very what came first the chicken or the egg way...and yes, i am trying to be as vague as possible.

Sunday!! How cool!! What a neat name you have.. i like!!
If i ever have kids, names for boys i have are:
Thunderstar, Iko and Meegler, naw hah just joshing ya,
except for the name 'Thunderstar' that is a real winner!!
Names for girls: Arial, Serene, Quigley, ha naw jus' being dumb!!!

Who won the superbowl in 1978?

the dallas cowboys defeated the denver broncos, 27-10, in super bowl XII in 1978. next question.

A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.
She responds "It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean."

oh you...that's funny...kind of. my mom, Lo, has a similiar joke...
what did the blind man say to the people kicking it in front of the fish store?
hello lay-days!!!

okay all that aside. i'm so friggin' tired of vaginas-smell-like-fish-taco jokes. vaginas smell like all sorts of things, roast beef sandwiches, daiseys, vinegar and water. mine is scented like the last day of spring, aka summer's eve.
i'm over these jokes! how can women, all of us, all over the world, how can all of our areas smell exactly the same. it's pure b.s.
i mean, i have been in the presence of balls that smell like all sorts of things: burnt tires, sweaty gym shoes and my all time favorite, plums. let's stop perpetuating the vagina-fish jokes, and decide what most balls smell like. then we'll overload the galaxy with "men's-balls-smell-like-blank jokes, leaving men insecure with their not-so-fresh-feeling meat balls and once masculine hygiene products flood the market...we'll be somewhat even. somewhat...phew, i'm glad i got that out!

What is your most treasured find from a thrift store?

a burgundy, light greyish green and black homemade crocheted poncho; seen as ugly to most on-lookers, (otherwise known as HATERS!) i love this thing, with all my heart. I found this gem at the 'bins' thrift warehouse in portland. it was soggy and wet, at the ass-bottom of a bin, kind of like a new born in a trash can, and as soon as i saw it, i knew i wanted it to call me mama forever, ever amen.


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